Tips for Parents when a Crisis Happens

Focus on your children’s needs. Tell them you love them and reassure them they are safe at
home and at school. Try to help them understand what has happened, keeping in mind their
developmental level. Let them know you, their teachers, and principal are making sure they are
safe at school.

Make time to talk with your children. Remember if you do not talk to your children about this
someone else will. Tell children the truth. Don’t try to pretend the event has not occurred or
that it is not serious. Children are smart. They will be more worried if they think you are too
afraid to tell them what is happening.

Stick to the facts. Don’t embellish or speculate about what has happened and what might
happen.

Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate. Early elementary school children need
brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that the daily structures of
their lives will not change. Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more
vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their
school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Upper middle school and high
school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence and threats to
safety in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school
safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. For all children, encourage them to verbalize
their thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener!

Monitor your own stress level. Don’t ignore your own feelings of anxiety. Talking to friends,
family members, religious leaders, and mental health counselors can help. It is not a good idea to
express anxiety about sending your children to school in their presence.

Stay close to your children. Your physical presence will reassure them and give you the
opportunity to monitor their reaction. Many children will want actual physical contact. Give
plenty of hugs. Let them sit close to you, and make sure to take extra time at bedtime to cuddle
and to reassure them that they are loved and safe.

Maintain a “normal” routine. To the extent possible stick to your family’s normal routine for
dinner, homework, chores, bedtime, etc.

Watch for signs of stress. If your child exhibits signs anxiety lasting longer than 1-2 weeks and
that interrupts normal daily functioning such as on-going nightmares or trouble sleeping, school
refusal, mood changes, and/or withdrawal from regular activities you may want to consult with a
mental health professional.